May 5, 1982
9:00 A.M. WEDNESDAY MORNING
I had planned to smoke pot this morning before school. I was disappointed to find out that my mother was leaving the house the same time I was so I couldn’t possibly risk it. And I was looking forward to it! I really want to get “fucked up” before school today, so I could remain happy and unworried. I can’t believe that I, myself, was seriously considering this. But I’ll do it Friday. Tonight I am sleeping at Maria’s again. I think I look gorgeous today. My hair is in one blonde braid, partly down my back. I have on an absolutely beautiful white cotton lace blouse. The sleeves are short and puffy. The lace on the bottom of my sleeves hugs my fat arms tightly. There is a similar lace band around the neck. Buttons go down the back, and the front is a criss-cross pattern of muslin-like material covered by embroidery in white thread and pearls. It is not simply beautiful. My full skirt is khaki green with white lace on the bottom ruffle. The waist has many gathers. The skirt is also a cotton material – shiny, brushed. I’m wearing diamond earrings, lemon perfume, no makeup, and my peace sign and Vail-Deane emblem around my neck. If I had been red-eyed, then I probably would have been noticed more, due to my lovely outfit. I showed Miss MacWhinney my progress with publicity. I bought stuff for it last night in Livingston Mall. I had to buy poster paper and markers. At one of the stores there where I bought the stuff, their ZIGGY cards caught me eye. I saw a perfect one for Mrs. Chasan. It read: SOMETIMES I PONDER THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE AND THINK, SO WHAT! I GUESS IT’S CAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SURROUNDED BY THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND! HOW’S IT GOING WITH YOU? Above the last sentence I wrote: Dear Mrs. Chasan, haven’t talked to you in days! I saw this card last night and I love it! I can really relate to it and wanted to five it to you (Still fond) Love, Trish P.S. Hope you understand. I gave Mrs. C this card right after homeroom. I haven’t spoken to her since Friday really. I missed her, but I’ve been busy. I wish I wasn’t so busy, but I am. I haven’t talked to Mrs. Chasan because I’ve had to take care of my other responsibilities. And I can take care of them high. But I don’t know if I will ever be able to talk to Mrs. Chasan while I’m high. I don’t think I will even try. The way I feel right now, I don’t think there will ever even be a point to. But getting high is great! I shouldn’t say it, but it’s a great way to forget about my problems. But Patricia thinks she would rather deal with reality, although I know I don’t. (I bought a card for Lynn also. It reads: YOU’RE SUCH FUN TO BE WITH. FRIENDLY…HAPPY…CHEERFUL…A BIG SMILE FOR EVERYONE. THERE’S JUST ONE THING I’D LIKE TO ASK YOU…ARE YOU SMOKING SOMETHING? I wrote inside: Dear Lynn, When I saw this card, I knew I just had to give it to you. It’s so true!! (No offense though). Love me P.S. It’s OK with me. (I want some too). After Mrs. Chasan read the card, she said, “I do understand. You’ve been on my mind.” Gee, that made me happy. It is certainly nice to know. She told me I looked nice also. We made plans to meet 7th period. Let me see. I’ve just got so much to tell you! I met my psychiatrist yesterday. I didn’t have a headache like I though I would after Field Day and painting. We had such a good talk! (7th period, Mrs. Chasan walked in the English room while I was writing the live above the start of this sentence. She sat down next to me in a seat by the window. She asked me what I was writing and who I was in love with, when she grabbed my notebook from me and started flipping through the pages. I started grabbing my notebook from her and finally she gave it to me. She said something like, “Can’t I read it?” And “I just want to see what page you’re on.” I showed her the page and she said, “Okay.” That was a cute fight. I said, “I wish I was,” referring to her questions about who I’m in love with. (Oh, I’ve just got to lose weight, become gorgeous, and get a boyfriend). So, she said, “What’s up? Why are we meeting? I think she always forgets. I told her I have some good news and bad news. She asked for the bad news first. So I told her about the summons and about court and a lawyer and told her of the conversation I had with my mother about Mrs. Chasan’s mother and husband being lawyers. I told her I might be absent from school when it happens, and that getting that in the mail on Friday added to my headache, my mother’s anger, and and overall wonderful weekend for me. Mrs. Chasan said, “Now I understand.” Referring to why my weekend was so rough. And she thanked me for telling her when I might be absent from school. And we talked a little, not much, about that. The good news was about Elaine. I had mentioned that Elaine dropped out of school on the day Mrs. Chasan caught me unsober. But I never gave her any details. Well now I wanted to tell her that Elaine will be graduating and all related information. She was happy and told me to tell Elaine that she was rooting for her. Our conversation was short but it was nice. She got up and started doing things. I looked through my folder. She started singing “My favorite things” from the Sound of Music. I came to her desk and told her I had Spanish. We talked a little more about my not seeing her much since Friday. I apologized, told her I still liked her, and said I was not being intentionally evasive. But I said I was sort of avoiding her. She asked if there was a reason and I said, “yes.”She said she understood and I told her I was busy with all these Vail-Deane responsibilities. I left the room. Then I came back again. I told her I hoped she really liked the card, because when I saw it I had to give it to her. I said the card meant more for me but she said it was special to her because it was from me. Now after such a nice talk, if we continue like this, we really should be friends always. I’ll just hope. During (rather after) Spanish, I wrote her a note saying: 5-5-82, 3:00 P.M. Dear Mrs. Chasan, Have a good class tonight. It was nice talking to you again. I’ll tell you how the court proceedings go when it’s all over. (I can’t wait). Love, Trish P.S. I am glad you wanted to read my notebook, but not now. But if you’d like to one day, I think I’d be happy to let you. I left it on her pocketbook. But I saw her in the hall and we walked up the stairs together. So I told her I left a note for her. She went to her room and yelled, “Where?” I told her on her pocketbook. I hope that didn’t ruin anything. Let me jump to today.
I had planned to smoke pot this morning before school. I was disappointed to find out that my mother was leaving the house the same time I was so I couldn’t possibly risk it. And I was looking forward to it! I really want to get “fucked up” before school today, so I could remain happy and unworried. I can’t believe that I, myself, was seriously considering this. But I’ll do it Friday. Tonight I am sleeping at Maria’s again. I think I look gorgeous today. My hair is in one blonde braid, partly down my back. I have on an absolutely beautiful white cotton lace blouse. The sleeves are short and puffy. The lace on the bottom of my sleeves hugs my fat arms tightly. There is a similar lace band around the neck. Buttons go down the back, and the front is a criss-cross pattern of muslin-like material covered by embroidery in white thread and pearls. It is not simply beautiful. My full skirt is khaki green with white lace on the bottom ruffle. The waist has many gathers. The skirt is also a cotton material – shiny, brushed. I’m wearing diamond earrings, lemon perfume, no makeup, and my peace sign and Vail-Deane emblem around my neck. If I had been red-eyed, then I probably would have been noticed more, due to my lovely outfit. I showed Miss MacWhinney my progress with publicity. I bought stuff for it last night in Livingston Mall. I had to buy poster paper and markers. At one of the stores there where I bought the stuff, their ZIGGY cards caught me eye. I saw a perfect one for Mrs. Chasan. It read: SOMETIMES I PONDER THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE AND THINK, SO WHAT! I GUESS IT’S CAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SURROUNDED BY THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND! HOW’S IT GOING WITH YOU? Above the last sentence I wrote: Dear Mrs. Chasan, haven’t talked to you in days! I saw this card last night and I love it! I can really relate to it and wanted to five it to you (Still fond) Love, Trish P.S. Hope you understand. I gave Mrs. C this card right after homeroom. I haven’t spoken to her since Friday really. I missed her, but I’ve been busy. I wish I wasn’t so busy, but I am. I haven’t talked to Mrs. Chasan because I’ve had to take care of my other responsibilities. And I can take care of them high. But I don’t know if I will ever be able to talk to Mrs. Chasan while I’m high. I don’t think I will even try. The way I feel right now, I don’t think there will ever even be a point to. But getting high is great! I shouldn’t say it, but it’s a great way to forget about my problems. But Patricia thinks she would rather deal with reality, although I know I don’t. (I bought a card for Lynn also. It reads: YOU’RE SUCH FUN TO BE WITH. FRIENDLY…HAPPY…CHEERFUL…A BIG SMILE FOR EVERYONE. THERE’S JUST ONE THING I’D LIKE TO ASK YOU…ARE YOU SMOKING SOMETHING? I wrote inside: Dear Lynn, When I saw this card, I knew I just had to give it to you. It’s so true!! (No offense though). Love me P.S. It’s OK with me. (I want some too). After Mrs. Chasan read the card, she said, “I do understand. You’ve been on my mind.” Gee, that made me happy. It is certainly nice to know. She told me I looked nice also. We made plans to meet 7th period. Let me see. I’ve just got so much to tell you! I met my psychiatrist yesterday. I didn’t have a headache like I though I would after Field Day and painting. We had such a good talk! (7th period, Mrs. Chasan walked in the English room while I was writing the live above the start of this sentence. She sat down next to me in a seat by the window. She asked me what I was writing and who I was in love with, when she grabbed my notebook from me and started flipping through the pages. I started grabbing my notebook from her and finally she gave it to me. She said something like, “Can’t I read it?” And “I just want to see what page you’re on.” I showed her the page and she said, “Okay.” That was a cute fight. I said, “I wish I was,” referring to her questions about who I’m in love with. (Oh, I’ve just got to lose weight, become gorgeous, and get a boyfriend). So, she said, “What’s up? Why are we meeting? I think she always forgets. I told her I have some good news and bad news. She asked for the bad news first. So I told her about the summons and about court and a lawyer and told her of the conversation I had with my mother about Mrs. Chasan’s mother and husband being lawyers. I told her I might be absent from school when it happens, and that getting that in the mail on Friday added to my headache, my mother’s anger, and and overall wonderful weekend for me. Mrs. Chasan said, “Now I understand.” Referring to why my weekend was so rough. And she thanked me for telling her when I might be absent from school. And we talked a little, not much, about that. The good news was about Elaine. I had mentioned that Elaine dropped out of school on the day Mrs. Chasan caught me unsober. But I never gave her any details. Well now I wanted to tell her that Elaine will be graduating and all related information. She was happy and told me to tell Elaine that she was rooting for her. Our conversation was short but it was nice. She got up and started doing things. I looked through my folder. She started singing “My favorite things” from the Sound of Music. I came to her desk and told her I had Spanish. We talked a little more about my not seeing her much since Friday. I apologized, told her I still liked her, and said I was not being intentionally evasive. But I said I was sort of avoiding her. She asked if there was a reason and I said, “yes.”She said she understood and I told her I was busy with all these Vail-Deane responsibilities. I left the room. Then I came back again. I told her I hoped she really liked the card, because when I saw it I had to give it to her. I said the card meant more for me but she said it was special to her because it was from me. Now after such a nice talk, if we continue like this, we really should be friends always. I’ll just hope. During (rather after) Spanish, I wrote her a note saying: 5-5-82, 3:00 P.M. Dear Mrs. Chasan, Have a good class tonight. It was nice talking to you again. I’ll tell you how the court proceedings go when it’s all over. (I can’t wait). Love, Trish P.S. I am glad you wanted to read my notebook, but not now. But if you’d like to one day, I think I’d be happy to let you. I left it on her pocketbook. But I saw her in the hall and we walked up the stairs together. So I told her I left a note for her. She went to her room and yelled, “Where?” I told her on her pocketbook. I hope that didn’t ruin anything. Let me jump to today.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 6:40 AM
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