June 19, 1982

10:00 A.M.– SATURDAY – WATCHING BUGS BUNNY/ROAD RUNNER HOUR

I’ve been walking around my house, kind of feeling shitty, and not knowing what to do. But I really feel like I have to release some kind of emotion, but I can’t get it up. Then I remembered you and I feel better already. I want to write so badly. This is one of those times again where I say I could finish the book, but I know I won’t. Since I have so much to say – let me get started on what’s on my mind for the present moment. Then, I want to say that I want to promise myself that I write in her “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.” Last night, I had another party at my empty house. Pat and Kevin are in Maine. Tonight and tomorrow will probably be my fifth and sixth party for this past week. But last night was something because I was so high or buzzed or so much under the influence of drugs and alcohol that I acted in a manner foreign to my usual one. Elaine and her friend Brian with his friend John (who incidentally I called Paul all night long – I felt like a real shit because he was so nice and I’m usually so nice and I wanted Brian and John to realize that), they came over my house at ten last night with three six-packs of Schaeffer, six yodels, and Elaine had the rest of my ½ ounce for Great Adventure, (still!). This time I learned how to smoke out of a bong (is that the way you say it? – I forget). It was new and exciting of course. There was the four of us, and there was only enough pot for two hits each.