August 12, 1982
1:30 P.M.
Another day is here. It’s Thursday. I’m sitting on my father’s balcony which conveniently faces the ocean. It’s so lovely. What a clear and beautiful day it is. I truly love the tropical climate. I truly do. This morning I experienced a sun shower. It is just the thing to keep cool when the sun is beating down, superseding the necessary warmth. I was waiting for father to call as he invited me to the movies but alas he cancelled. But I am not going to get angry even though I prematurely took a shower and got dressed. So what am I going to do with my day? I really don’t need more sun. I’m already slightly burnt and I still have weeks to go to become black. I never will though. I am not so depressed today thank God but I’ve decided that it is the lonely nights which do get to me. Last night I fell asleep around a quarter to nine and was up at six. That’s not bad. At least I will be sleeping well here. The sun and water really knock me out. But last night I was up and about. I took my pillow and sheet to go sleep on the balcony but found it was raining so I went back to sleep. Once I get into a routine I will be fine. I am so alone though. I have basically no responsibilities and nothing to do really. I’ve finished Major Barbara and am now reading A Doll’s House. I like that play also. I was thinking that time would fly is I left myself with a whole bunch of reading to do at the end of my stay – then I would wish I had more time and time always seems to fly either when you’re having fun (which I’m not) or you have things to do. And my required reading is my only responsibility, besides getting a tan and getting thinner, which time will also run out on for me. Oh I only I had a friend with me – if only! I think I would be so happy but I think the days get easier to handle as they pass. On the day of my arrival of course I was ready to turn around and go home but now that I’m here I know that I can leave whenever I want and if I make it pleasant for myself and father then I don’t want to go home yet. There is no fighting with mother here and no dealing with my people. Yes I do have to deal with father which is a very difficult thing for me indeed. But then again I am so so moody and I hate to be bad company but that is exactly what it means to be a loner – not to want people to bother with you and that is my whole being. If I get lonely, I may cry but then I may feel better and I will cure my own self without the nagging, questioning or caring of a friend or whomever my companion may be. That is why I would rather not be with my father and if I know him well enough by observing in such a short time that we are a like in many ways, then that may be partly why he closes his door and cancels our afternoon together. In any case, as I’ve written and watched the shadows of the lampposts grow in the parking lot below, I think I will go check out the lobby of the Palace Hotel.
Another day is here. It’s Thursday. I’m sitting on my father’s balcony which conveniently faces the ocean. It’s so lovely. What a clear and beautiful day it is. I truly love the tropical climate. I truly do. This morning I experienced a sun shower. It is just the thing to keep cool when the sun is beating down, superseding the necessary warmth. I was waiting for father to call as he invited me to the movies but alas he cancelled. But I am not going to get angry even though I prematurely took a shower and got dressed. So what am I going to do with my day? I really don’t need more sun. I’m already slightly burnt and I still have weeks to go to become black. I never will though. I am not so depressed today thank God but I’ve decided that it is the lonely nights which do get to me. Last night I fell asleep around a quarter to nine and was up at six. That’s not bad. At least I will be sleeping well here. The sun and water really knock me out. But last night I was up and about. I took my pillow and sheet to go sleep on the balcony but found it was raining so I went back to sleep. Once I get into a routine I will be fine. I am so alone though. I have basically no responsibilities and nothing to do really. I’ve finished Major Barbara and am now reading A Doll’s House. I like that play also. I was thinking that time would fly is I left myself with a whole bunch of reading to do at the end of my stay – then I would wish I had more time and time always seems to fly either when you’re having fun (which I’m not) or you have things to do. And my required reading is my only responsibility, besides getting a tan and getting thinner, which time will also run out on for me. Oh I only I had a friend with me – if only! I think I would be so happy but I think the days get easier to handle as they pass. On the day of my arrival of course I was ready to turn around and go home but now that I’m here I know that I can leave whenever I want and if I make it pleasant for myself and father then I don’t want to go home yet. There is no fighting with mother here and no dealing with my people. Yes I do have to deal with father which is a very difficult thing for me indeed. But then again I am so so moody and I hate to be bad company but that is exactly what it means to be a loner – not to want people to bother with you and that is my whole being. If I get lonely, I may cry but then I may feel better and I will cure my own self without the nagging, questioning or caring of a friend or whomever my companion may be. That is why I would rather not be with my father and if I know him well enough by observing in such a short time that we are a like in many ways, then that may be partly why he closes his door and cancels our afternoon together. In any case, as I’ve written and watched the shadows of the lampposts grow in the parking lot below, I think I will go check out the lobby of the Palace Hotel.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 9:05 AM
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