August 11, 1982

7:30 P.M.

Ah yes, the days are passing by. Yes they are. Only 32 more to go! Father retired early as he has an early appointment at the hospital tomorrow. I am left alone once again and as I will never fail to say – I don’t much like it. I feel very badly now. My father’s bedroom light is on. That only means that he fell asleep with it on or he is awake occupying himself with an activity of sort. I was thinking to myself and surprised myself actually with the thought that I think I would really like to spend some time with my father. He didn’t pay all this money for me to come down here for absolutely nothing. I know he doesn’t expect the world but I can give him some pleasure. Here the two of us are – two lonely people – me in an unfamiliar environment, writing to myself some, and him maybe in his normal routine, maybe not. I really feel like having a good cry over that. I don’t really know why but this hurts me. I really think I would feel better if I were able to make him feel comfortable and happy with his daughter. Am I learning something already?