August 10, 1982
7:30 P.M.
Sitting in the lobby of the El San Juan. Father is at his art class. Mother is somewhere is New Jersey. I’m lonely, very lonely. I felt like calling Melissa but didn’t. I’m on a very tight budget, that’s why I am not going to buy myself a drink. Last night Don bought me a Pina Colada at dinner and also today at lunch. I love them. Father made me dinner but I hardly ate it. I hate food so much. Oh I do hope I lose weight – that’s why I’m here. – for a tan, blonde hair and a thin body. I hope father buys me some things. I’m sure he will. I’ve just got to be very nice to him. I have thirteen cigarettes left. I just smoked two. I wonder what I look like smoking cigarettes. I just started right at the beginning of the summer. I have got to remember to brush my teeth when I get home so father doesn’t suspect. I don’t want either of them to know. I’ll be here five weeks and I really don’t think anything will change between me and either of my parents. I live such a strange life. I wish I had a friend with me. Oh God I love you and I wish I had a friend with me, but I don’t want to go home until Monday, September 13. I hope it is a nice homecoming. I hope my mother will still love me. I want to be a different daughter when I go back home. I want to be beautiful in every way. Well, I shouldn’t feel that lonely. Today is almost over and tomorrow I go to the beach again. Don will be leaving and I am going to miss him very much. He’s been so nice to me. I’ve got to learn to be happy here. I’ve only got 33 more days. Cigarettes make me high and as I was sitting in the couch, I felt heavier. I won’t have any more. Now I’m reading Major Barbara for school. I hope the discussion isn’t over when I do decide to return to school. It probably will be over in which case I might ask the new English teacher to give me work to do on them. I don’t know. I might even decide to stay six weeks. Mother wants me home the fourth but I don’t obviously want to come home then for a couple of reasons. One because I’m mad at my school because they are forcing me to do manual labor and two because of my mother. I think I want to scare her a bit. I realize how stupid that is because I think she knows me well enough to know that I will always probably come back to her at the drop of a hat. And if I don’t come home when I am supposed to – to school and her, I’ll have both the school and her angry with me, but my friends may worry about me. But then again, will they call my house? They probably won’t. Vail-Deane may call, then they’ll tell Mrs. Chasan, my homeroom monitor, who will tell the students – who knows. In any case, I feel like being an awfully spoiled brat and staying here. What torture too that I will be putting on myself. Five weeks is a long time but not so long. It is the near future.
Sitting in the lobby of the El San Juan. Father is at his art class. Mother is somewhere is New Jersey. I’m lonely, very lonely. I felt like calling Melissa but didn’t. I’m on a very tight budget, that’s why I am not going to buy myself a drink. Last night Don bought me a Pina Colada at dinner and also today at lunch. I love them. Father made me dinner but I hardly ate it. I hate food so much. Oh I do hope I lose weight – that’s why I’m here. – for a tan, blonde hair and a thin body. I hope father buys me some things. I’m sure he will. I’ve just got to be very nice to him. I have thirteen cigarettes left. I just smoked two. I wonder what I look like smoking cigarettes. I just started right at the beginning of the summer. I have got to remember to brush my teeth when I get home so father doesn’t suspect. I don’t want either of them to know. I’ll be here five weeks and I really don’t think anything will change between me and either of my parents. I live such a strange life. I wish I had a friend with me. Oh God I love you and I wish I had a friend with me, but I don’t want to go home until Monday, September 13. I hope it is a nice homecoming. I hope my mother will still love me. I want to be a different daughter when I go back home. I want to be beautiful in every way. Well, I shouldn’t feel that lonely. Today is almost over and tomorrow I go to the beach again. Don will be leaving and I am going to miss him very much. He’s been so nice to me. I’ve got to learn to be happy here. I’ve only got 33 more days. Cigarettes make me high and as I was sitting in the couch, I felt heavier. I won’t have any more. Now I’m reading Major Barbara for school. I hope the discussion isn’t over when I do decide to return to school. It probably will be over in which case I might ask the new English teacher to give me work to do on them. I don’t know. I might even decide to stay six weeks. Mother wants me home the fourth but I don’t obviously want to come home then for a couple of reasons. One because I’m mad at my school because they are forcing me to do manual labor and two because of my mother. I think I want to scare her a bit. I realize how stupid that is because I think she knows me well enough to know that I will always probably come back to her at the drop of a hat. And if I don’t come home when I am supposed to – to school and her, I’ll have both the school and her angry with me, but my friends may worry about me. But then again, will they call my house? They probably won’t. Vail-Deane may call, then they’ll tell Mrs. Chasan, my homeroom monitor, who will tell the students – who knows. In any case, I feel like being an awfully spoiled brat and staying here. What torture too that I will be putting on myself. Five weeks is a long time but not so long. It is the near future.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 9:05 AM
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