April 23, 1982
2:45 A.M.
Now I know! At least I think I know. We've been here about four hours at our motel.Party from the word go would describe us. I gave in and had a few sips of beer, blackberry brandy, and maybe one other thing. Elaine B. got extremely sick. She's been throwing up. She was sick and crying about the pain she felt in her stomach. Oh I wouldn't want to be like that. I never knew this about Elaine and I feel jus terrible. But I think I should stick with my friends tomorrow. Lynn said Elaine was an alcoholic. I hope that's not true. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor. I'm not that tired, but I'm dizzy. As you know, I didn't sleep last night due to an undone, unstarted history essay and packing for this trip. But nonetheless I really feel a need to write to you. Besides everyone else's stupidity it seems, so far so good. I should be shot for say8ing that but in times like these when a friend gets ill, it's just plain dumb! I'm not going to pass a judgment on what they do though. If I got sick I would say that was pretty stupid. And I'm caught red eyed then that would very be unfortunate. But so far, I don't smell and if I get sick, it will not have been brought on by alcohol. What I did on the way to school was dumb, but in no way would I have allowed myself to become a mess. And NO NO NO Mrs. Chasan is not stupid. She can spot these little things from a far and legitimately too. Jeez - I really am dizzy - very much! It kind of feels good because it’s weird feeling and I appreciate some weird feelings, but I'm not sick maybe it's from sleep. I need some - that could very well be the problem Miss Prudon who I'm sleeping with, has taken up all the space. I don't really mind though. I am going to remember to watch that drug abuse show on Saturday night. I hope we're home by then. After Washington, I've really got to buckle down the hatches. So many things I must do and a recital! - ugh! This must be so strange to be sitting in the bathroom, on the floor and writing - but I don't think so. Tomorrow I think I may want to make a joint even though I'm trying to avoid it. I don't know. I've become even more disillusioned to discover that even more people who I care much for, smoke pot. How upsetting. I don't know what to think at all. I was so worried and if we didn't get caught tonight - we're never going to get caught. And this place is crawling with security guars but they're nice. There is a lot more to say. I just can't think now.
9:45 A.M.
We’re on the metro. It is so neat and so modern - and clean! We're late and I hope we make it to the F.B.I. and I hope I don't lose my bag. I'm pretty on top of things anyway and I must remember to send postcards.
10:10 A.M.
We're at the F.B.I. and we missed our tour. I'm so pissed I can't tell you. I just can't. I am so so upset.
11:13 A.M.
I feel better now. I was angry and the immature part of me was coming out and I really had to work kind of hard to suppress it. I figured I would probably be seeing many F.B.I. tours in my life. I just hope I don't have to wait in a long line. And I was angry also because I though it unnecessary and irresponsible to miss the tour. There’s nothing I can do about whatever reason - even if it was terrible. We're on a little portable stage at the bottom of the Washington Monument, but it's bigger than Vail-Deane's and everyone is practicing their dance steps for the concert.
11:40 A.M.
We're sitting on line for the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (the mint). Mary said she didn't want to be here. We're going on paddle boats in front of the Jefferson memorial after this (not definite though). I can't believe we've made it here. I tell you - this morning I said so far so good - well that was about the partying BUT I can't say that about the touring here. It just seems that Mr. Ambrose doesn't care - but I'm really sure that he's trying to do his best.
12:35 P.M.
Everyone is out on paddle boars except me. I asked first if anyone would be my partner.
1:00 P.M.
Chris and I went out on a paddle boat on the lake that surrounds our 3rd president of the United state of American (of this continent, of this Earth, of this Universe, if God's min" - Chris. Thomas Jefferson's memorial. I asked Chris if we could smoke a joint and the gentleman complied with my wishes. I told him the last time I smoked pot was with him on his farm (island). We two smoked about a joint and a 1/4. I don't think I got much anyway but Chris says my eyes are bloodshot - but that's it! We have at least another 20 minutes to stay high and at the same time come down.
2:15 P.M.
I'm sitting on a carousel with Maria, Mary, Daniel, Christ and Lynn. I think that’s funny. I think I might be high but I can't tell. I do feel nauseous and I find that strange because I never feel nauseous. 2:55 P.M. I'm sitting on top of the Capital now. We're waiting for everyone except me, Jed, and Chris. They're running now. I had a 75 cent - not worth it - chocolate bar, ice cream. Yuck - never again. I'm doing so well. It's been 3 years since I've been in Washington.
2:10 P.M.
We're INSIDE the Capitol now. My bag has been checked. I have the letter with
3:36 P.M.
Our tour is over. It was okay - not terrific. Everyone almost visited our national's capitol high. Gosh.
3:45 P.M.
We're sitting in the Senate Gallery now. It's relaxing
2:53 P.M.
We're leaving soon. The floors are beautiful.
2:55 P.M.
We're now sitting in the House Gallery. I was mistaken two minutes ago when I though we were leaving. It's more beautiful in here. Mr. Ambrose that wonderful man- is giving us a lecture on this. He knows a lot, but I'm not listening - I'm writing - just like in history class. Sorry Mr. Ambrose - you're still wonderful. I love this all! I told Lynn she could read this and Sheila too. There are television cameras, the room is blue. The clock over the front thing is wrong.
5:09 P.M.
The two above times are wrong - they are supposed to be 3:53 and 3:55. I'm sitting on the steps of the Library of Congress
5:20 P.M. STANDING ON A STREET CORNER
We're talking to Officer J.C. Waddy asking about places to eat for dinner. Now I am so into writing. In Pphiladlephia I walked and wrote and that is what I'm doing now. And I have this wonderful writing board. Everyone says thins got me about my doing this. I'm being kept on the go because I haven't the time to write everything like I really really want to
5:50 P.M. - SITTING IN THE RESTAURANT
We've decided. We're eating at the Hunan restaurant (I bet you don't know that this is?! - Me neither). Camile and Lynn are sitting beside me and being really nice to me. They are talking to me. Camile was saying to Lynn that she wonders how my mind works and how I develop thoughts. Camile also mentioned that she finds it interesting to sit back and observe me. I'm flattered.
8:06 P.M. - SITTING IN THE METRO STATION
This place is spacey. What a great place to space-out in. After the restaurant, we went to a supermarket and we all spent lots of money. When we left, Mary, or Maria or Lynn said, "Don't you smell pot?" We really did and then Mary or Lynn said, "It must be that time again." (I mean to smoke pot)
8:45 P.M. - SITTING IN AN ARCADE
We're back in Arlington now. You wouldn't believe what happened. I have greasy Hunan food sitting in the bottom of my bag. Oh how upsetting! After a whole day of collecting memorabilia and for that to happen. But it's my own fault. I'm really sorry about it but what can I say. I'm having trouble with these snots in my nose. - They itch. It was so so so funny on the train. I laughed so much that when I put my head down (and mind you everyone else was laughing with me) everyone WENT Ahh! because they thought I started crying. I was looking at my Nancy and Ronnie card. I wish it all could have been videotaped. The whole thing was so funny and I don't know how I would describe in it in words. But my postcards to Amy and Vickie are oiled. That was something - let me tell you. That was really something. I I hope everyone doesn’t'' want to stay in the arcade all night. I must have spent about $30.00 just today. No food tomorrow or maybe just on Sunday. I don't want to leave here, but I can't wait to clean out my book bag. Oh I'm so tired! So, so tired. On the streets of Washington, as Mr. Ambrose, Miss Prudon and the boys were walking so far in front of us that Mary took out a joint, lit it up and I had some. I just had to try it once on the streets in public in my country's capitol. One day I'll probably be so ashamed. The names of the games in the game room are very interesting for names of games, especially in this game room, There is:
FANTASY
PACMAN
CENTIPEDE
LOOPINE
TEMPEST
STARGATE
ZAXXON
AMIDAR
DIG DUG
and more like:
STAR TREK
MARE TRAX
DONKEY KONG
SUPER COBRA
FRENZY
MS. PAC MAN
GRAND CHAMPION
ROBOTRPON
TURBO
I must say that I'm impressed with my style of dressing today. I have on:
BROWN SUEDE INDIAN MOCASSINS
BLUE CORDS
PINK IZOD
BLUE OXFORD
WHITE BANDANA AROUND NECK
CANARAY SWEATSHIRT
PEACE SIGN NECKLACE
GREEN E.R.A. BUTTON
HAIR IN ONE BLONDE BRAID
I look like a hippie (I think). I'm a real mess. I don't know if my eyes are blood-shot or not. I'm never going to ear again. Just smoke pot - no drink for me thanks - my stomach couldn’t' handle it on top of much Haagen-Dazs mocha chip ice cream thanks to Pam and her generosity. And a whole box of chocolate ginger snaps - Ugh! I don't know how everyone can maneuver these video games with being so tired. The problem is... (I DON'T KNOW). I really liked getting thinner so I'm going to not eat tomorrow so when the evening comes and I smoke (If I can) I'll get fucked-up on just a little. And I'll have nothing to throw up-right??! Geesh- what I am saying. The difference in my tone in just two lousy days or is it one? I've got so much to say and this is all highly personal. I was thinking about Mrs. C. as usual and I figured that I liked her (maybe) as a sister. Maybe that's it - I don't know exactly. I say a sister because she’s the kind of person to me that I'm dying to tell things to. She would love that, but she probably wouldn't take any of it seriously. That would hurt you see, because I am really very fond of Mrs. Chasan. I love her very much, I care about her, I want her to be my friend, I need her as a friend. Boy that's a lot but that's really the way I feel, and that's okay - isn't it? I would just love to tell Mrs. C. that in Washington we all did this, and then we did this and this then this, the Jed said this and I did this and Mary and Melissa and Lynn did this and Sheila said that etc. You understand that! Like a sister, a friend, a confidante. But I guess it will all have to wait. I can't tell Mrs. C how I feel about things because no one understands me - I really do talk another language. And I can't tell Mrs. C. I did this and this because she is my teacher and I don't know... But when I’m in college I was recently thinking. I would like to sit and chat with her for hours about my boyfriends at college and THINGS related. She mentioned something to me on Wednesday when I inadvertently caught her off guard and asked a highly personal question. I swear I HAD NO IDEA AT ALL-BELIEVE ME! I felt so horrible afterwards! But later in the conversation she mentioned something about her sex life. And I answered that I probably wouldn’t ask her about it. The she said something like "I'll tell you, it was a little more fun before I was married. In college I was in one door and out the next" Well - I say there is nothing wrong with that. But I though that I would probably never discuss my sex life with anyone - especially my mother but I was thinking that probably it would be okay to discuss it once in a while. It would be okay - not an obsessive talk but still there's nothing wrong with talking about sex. I do talk about it - especially lately. It's been on my mind. I remember when I first stared thinking about what it was like to have sex. I was 14 years old. I never never thought about it before. It was August (around there) before ninth grade. I dreamt - actually dreamt about what it was like. There was my husband and I was totally naked, so was my husband and there we were having sex together and with immense pleasure for the umpteenth time. Then I thought about how many years it would be before I have for the first time, I can't wait, but it won't be soon I'm sure. So it will be three years this summer that I've these feeling. It's weird how they just come upon you when you're a certain age. I knew what sex was but never thought so innocently, spontaneously and deeply about it. Then I wondered about if my friend's suddenly thought differently about it, and I though about all my teacher s and how often and if they have sex. I don't know how long it's been for others, maybe earlier, maybe later, but I do know that now most of us are around seventeen years old (and this will seem so young one day) and almost (I'm almost positive) all of us have little ideas about sex in our minds. Having sex would not be a question eve a year ago. The answer would flatly be "no" (well maybe 1 yr and 1/1) but to me now. Maybe I could jump into bed tomorrow, but yet Id' much rather be thin to do that. I would like to be a little sexpot before I graduate. Just another me to experiment with, There’s not a whole lot I can write about sex except about how I feel.
Now I know! At least I think I know. We've been here about four hours at our motel.Party from the word go would describe us. I gave in and had a few sips of beer, blackberry brandy, and maybe one other thing. Elaine B. got extremely sick. She's been throwing up. She was sick and crying about the pain she felt in her stomach. Oh I wouldn't want to be like that. I never knew this about Elaine and I feel jus terrible. But I think I should stick with my friends tomorrow. Lynn said Elaine was an alcoholic. I hope that's not true. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor. I'm not that tired, but I'm dizzy. As you know, I didn't sleep last night due to an undone, unstarted history essay and packing for this trip. But nonetheless I really feel a need to write to you. Besides everyone else's stupidity it seems, so far so good. I should be shot for say8ing that but in times like these when a friend gets ill, it's just plain dumb! I'm not going to pass a judgment on what they do though. If I got sick I would say that was pretty stupid. And I'm caught red eyed then that would very be unfortunate. But so far, I don't smell and if I get sick, it will not have been brought on by alcohol. What I did on the way to school was dumb, but in no way would I have allowed myself to become a mess. And NO NO NO Mrs. Chasan is not stupid. She can spot these little things from a far and legitimately too. Jeez - I really am dizzy - very much! It kind of feels good because it’s weird feeling and I appreciate some weird feelings, but I'm not sick maybe it's from sleep. I need some - that could very well be the problem Miss Prudon who I'm sleeping with, has taken up all the space. I don't really mind though. I am going to remember to watch that drug abuse show on Saturday night. I hope we're home by then. After Washington, I've really got to buckle down the hatches. So many things I must do and a recital! - ugh! This must be so strange to be sitting in the bathroom, on the floor and writing - but I don't think so. Tomorrow I think I may want to make a joint even though I'm trying to avoid it. I don't know. I've become even more disillusioned to discover that even more people who I care much for, smoke pot. How upsetting. I don't know what to think at all. I was so worried and if we didn't get caught tonight - we're never going to get caught. And this place is crawling with security guars but they're nice. There is a lot more to say. I just can't think now.
9:45 A.M.
We’re on the metro. It is so neat and so modern - and clean! We're late and I hope we make it to the F.B.I. and I hope I don't lose my bag. I'm pretty on top of things anyway and I must remember to send postcards.
10:10 A.M.
We're at the F.B.I. and we missed our tour. I'm so pissed I can't tell you. I just can't. I am so so upset.
11:13 A.M.
I feel better now. I was angry and the immature part of me was coming out and I really had to work kind of hard to suppress it. I figured I would probably be seeing many F.B.I. tours in my life. I just hope I don't have to wait in a long line. And I was angry also because I though it unnecessary and irresponsible to miss the tour. There’s nothing I can do about whatever reason - even if it was terrible. We're on a little portable stage at the bottom of the Washington Monument, but it's bigger than Vail-Deane's and everyone is practicing their dance steps for the concert.
11:40 A.M.
We're sitting on line for the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (the mint). Mary said she didn't want to be here. We're going on paddle boats in front of the Jefferson memorial after this (not definite though). I can't believe we've made it here. I tell you - this morning I said so far so good - well that was about the partying BUT I can't say that about the touring here. It just seems that Mr. Ambrose doesn't care - but I'm really sure that he's trying to do his best.
12:35 P.M.
Everyone is out on paddle boars except me. I asked first if anyone would be my partner.
1:00 P.M.
Chris and I went out on a paddle boat on the lake that surrounds our 3rd president of the United state of American (of this continent, of this Earth, of this Universe, if God's min" - Chris. Thomas Jefferson's memorial. I asked Chris if we could smoke a joint and the gentleman complied with my wishes. I told him the last time I smoked pot was with him on his farm (island). We two smoked about a joint and a 1/4. I don't think I got much anyway but Chris says my eyes are bloodshot - but that's it! We have at least another 20 minutes to stay high and at the same time come down.
2:15 P.M.
I'm sitting on a carousel with Maria, Mary, Daniel, Christ and Lynn. I think that’s funny. I think I might be high but I can't tell. I do feel nauseous and I find that strange because I never feel nauseous. 2:55 P.M. I'm sitting on top of the Capital now. We're waiting for everyone except me, Jed, and Chris. They're running now. I had a 75 cent - not worth it - chocolate bar, ice cream. Yuck - never again. I'm doing so well. It's been 3 years since I've been in Washington.
2:10 P.M.
We're INSIDE the Capitol now. My bag has been checked. I have the letter with
3:36 P.M.
Our tour is over. It was okay - not terrific. Everyone almost visited our national's capitol high. Gosh.
3:45 P.M.
We're sitting in the Senate Gallery now. It's relaxing
2:53 P.M.
We're leaving soon. The floors are beautiful.
2:55 P.M.
We're now sitting in the House Gallery. I was mistaken two minutes ago when I though we were leaving. It's more beautiful in here. Mr. Ambrose that wonderful man- is giving us a lecture on this. He knows a lot, but I'm not listening - I'm writing - just like in history class. Sorry Mr. Ambrose - you're still wonderful. I love this all! I told Lynn she could read this and Sheila too. There are television cameras, the room is blue. The clock over the front thing is wrong.
5:09 P.M.
The two above times are wrong - they are supposed to be 3:53 and 3:55. I'm sitting on the steps of the Library of Congress
5:20 P.M. STANDING ON A STREET CORNER
We're talking to Officer J.C. Waddy asking about places to eat for dinner. Now I am so into writing. In Pphiladlephia I walked and wrote and that is what I'm doing now. And I have this wonderful writing board. Everyone says thins got me about my doing this. I'm being kept on the go because I haven't the time to write everything like I really really want to
5:50 P.M. - SITTING IN THE RESTAURANT
We've decided. We're eating at the Hunan restaurant (I bet you don't know that this is?! - Me neither). Camile and Lynn are sitting beside me and being really nice to me. They are talking to me. Camile was saying to Lynn that she wonders how my mind works and how I develop thoughts. Camile also mentioned that she finds it interesting to sit back and observe me. I'm flattered.
8:06 P.M. - SITTING IN THE METRO STATION
This place is spacey. What a great place to space-out in. After the restaurant, we went to a supermarket and we all spent lots of money. When we left, Mary, or Maria or Lynn said, "Don't you smell pot?" We really did and then Mary or Lynn said, "It must be that time again." (I mean to smoke pot)
8:45 P.M. - SITTING IN AN ARCADE
We're back in Arlington now. You wouldn't believe what happened. I have greasy Hunan food sitting in the bottom of my bag. Oh how upsetting! After a whole day of collecting memorabilia and for that to happen. But it's my own fault. I'm really sorry about it but what can I say. I'm having trouble with these snots in my nose. - They itch. It was so so so funny on the train. I laughed so much that when I put my head down (and mind you everyone else was laughing with me) everyone WENT Ahh! because they thought I started crying. I was looking at my Nancy and Ronnie card. I wish it all could have been videotaped. The whole thing was so funny and I don't know how I would describe in it in words. But my postcards to Amy and Vickie are oiled. That was something - let me tell you. That was really something. I I hope everyone doesn’t'' want to stay in the arcade all night. I must have spent about $30.00 just today. No food tomorrow or maybe just on Sunday. I don't want to leave here, but I can't wait to clean out my book bag. Oh I'm so tired! So, so tired. On the streets of Washington, as Mr. Ambrose, Miss Prudon and the boys were walking so far in front of us that Mary took out a joint, lit it up and I had some. I just had to try it once on the streets in public in my country's capitol. One day I'll probably be so ashamed. The names of the games in the game room are very interesting for names of games, especially in this game room, There is:
FANTASY
PACMAN
CENTIPEDE
LOOPINE
TEMPEST
STARGATE
ZAXXON
AMIDAR
DIG DUG
and more like:
STAR TREK
MARE TRAX
DONKEY KONG
SUPER COBRA
FRENZY
MS. PAC MAN
GRAND CHAMPION
ROBOTRPON
TURBO
I must say that I'm impressed with my style of dressing today. I have on:
BROWN SUEDE INDIAN MOCASSINS
BLUE CORDS
PINK IZOD
BLUE OXFORD
WHITE BANDANA AROUND NECK
CANARAY SWEATSHIRT
PEACE SIGN NECKLACE
GREEN E.R.A. BUTTON
HAIR IN ONE BLONDE BRAID
I look like a hippie (I think). I'm a real mess. I don't know if my eyes are blood-shot or not. I'm never going to ear again. Just smoke pot - no drink for me thanks - my stomach couldn’t' handle it on top of much Haagen-Dazs mocha chip ice cream thanks to Pam and her generosity. And a whole box of chocolate ginger snaps - Ugh! I don't know how everyone can maneuver these video games with being so tired. The problem is... (I DON'T KNOW). I really liked getting thinner so I'm going to not eat tomorrow so when the evening comes and I smoke (If I can) I'll get fucked-up on just a little. And I'll have nothing to throw up-right??! Geesh- what I am saying. The difference in my tone in just two lousy days or is it one? I've got so much to say and this is all highly personal. I was thinking about Mrs. C. as usual and I figured that I liked her (maybe) as a sister. Maybe that's it - I don't know exactly. I say a sister because she’s the kind of person to me that I'm dying to tell things to. She would love that, but she probably wouldn't take any of it seriously. That would hurt you see, because I am really very fond of Mrs. Chasan. I love her very much, I care about her, I want her to be my friend, I need her as a friend. Boy that's a lot but that's really the way I feel, and that's okay - isn't it? I would just love to tell Mrs. C. that in Washington we all did this, and then we did this and this then this, the Jed said this and I did this and Mary and Melissa and Lynn did this and Sheila said that etc. You understand that! Like a sister, a friend, a confidante. But I guess it will all have to wait. I can't tell Mrs. C how I feel about things because no one understands me - I really do talk another language. And I can't tell Mrs. C. I did this and this because she is my teacher and I don't know... But when I’m in college I was recently thinking. I would like to sit and chat with her for hours about my boyfriends at college and THINGS related. She mentioned something to me on Wednesday when I inadvertently caught her off guard and asked a highly personal question. I swear I HAD NO IDEA AT ALL-BELIEVE ME! I felt so horrible afterwards! But later in the conversation she mentioned something about her sex life. And I answered that I probably wouldn’t ask her about it. The she said something like "I'll tell you, it was a little more fun before I was married. In college I was in one door and out the next" Well - I say there is nothing wrong with that. But I though that I would probably never discuss my sex life with anyone - especially my mother but I was thinking that probably it would be okay to discuss it once in a while. It would be okay - not an obsessive talk but still there's nothing wrong with talking about sex. I do talk about it - especially lately. It's been on my mind. I remember when I first stared thinking about what it was like to have sex. I was 14 years old. I never never thought about it before. It was August (around there) before ninth grade. I dreamt - actually dreamt about what it was like. There was my husband and I was totally naked, so was my husband and there we were having sex together and with immense pleasure for the umpteenth time. Then I thought about how many years it would be before I have for the first time, I can't wait, but it won't be soon I'm sure. So it will be three years this summer that I've these feeling. It's weird how they just come upon you when you're a certain age. I knew what sex was but never thought so innocently, spontaneously and deeply about it. Then I wondered about if my friend's suddenly thought differently about it, and I though about all my teacher s and how often and if they have sex. I don't know how long it's been for others, maybe earlier, maybe later, but I do know that now most of us are around seventeen years old (and this will seem so young one day) and almost (I'm almost positive) all of us have little ideas about sex in our minds. Having sex would not be a question eve a year ago. The answer would flatly be "no" (well maybe 1 yr and 1/1) but to me now. Maybe I could jump into bed tomorrow, but yet Id' much rather be thin to do that. I would like to be a little sexpot before I graduate. Just another me to experiment with, There’s not a whole lot I can write about sex except about how I feel.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 11:05 AM
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