September 18, 1981

Mrs. Bator passed away today. I'm so so sorry. She was sick last year. I just can't believe it. I went down to do the wash and I saw Mr. Bator. I said I was so sorry. He looked so so sad. His voice sounded sad. He said to me, "I feel bad Pat, I really do." I told him I did too. I had difficulty becaseu I thought I was going to cry. Death is so hard to deal with. What is he going to do now? All they had were each other. The two of them, poor, living in a basement apartment that always gets very cold in winter. They were sweet people. Mr. Bator sometimes got on our nerves but he always meant well. I used to be so very fond of old people. What happened to me? I never grew fond of them. I might have felt worse if I did know them well, but who knows what I would do, how, or why. I'm going to miss her. Is she going to have a funeral? Can he afford it? Oh God, how death can be so cruel and painful to people. She even died of a massive heart attack right in his arms this morning in his apartment. Oh, how the scene must have been. So draining! That's just too much. We human beings sometimes have difficulty in losing a dear one. He loved her. They were old. Why couldn't they both die? If he gets over her death I'll be so grateful so God for giving him the strength. When I found out she died, I immediately thought on the last time I saw her. She was standing on So. Orange Avenue dressed very nicely and talking to someone. God how shocking death can be, and so inevitably sudden.