October 29, 1981
I'm in the Junior room now, alone! I don't really like it in here. We just had English last period. I got an 85 on my English test! That is so ridiculous. I've got to do better next time.
Yesterday I got my period during Chemistry, which was very early for me. I didn't have any tampons and there was no one convenient to ask, so I went to Miss Dundon because Miss Lee was eating lunch and I couldn't ask her then! I came to the lunch room and went to the bathroom there to make sure. I was right. I saw Miss Dundon on the little field during lunch and she was talking with Mrs. Chasan. Oh well, there was nothing I could do anyway so I nonchalantly asked Miss Dundon if I could go over to the gym office for a tampon. I knew she would ask what for. I think Mrs. Chasan was surprised, maybe Mis Dundon also but I could tell better with Mrs. Chasan because I can see into her more. I said thank you to her and proceeded on my way when both said I needed the keys. Mis Dundon gave them to me. I felt stupid. I know Mrs. Chasan was looking at me the whole time. I ran to the office. I was wearing white pants again! Mr. Viall was the only one there. I said "hi" and went about with what I had to do. Mr. Viall came into the office and asked me what I was looking for. I told him I was getting a tampon. It was cute. His reaction was, "Well, I asked," and I said "Yeah, you did." I think he was embarassed.
When I went back to return the keys, I smiled, said thank you and Mrs. Chasan asked me if I was feeling better. I said, as I was running to lunch, "I feel fine." I was nervous.
Today after lunch, I went up to the English room like I always do and Mrs. Chasan was there. I wasn't expecting her to be there and she scared me. She even seemed a bit mad. She asked me what I was doing there and I told her I always come there. She told me I don't belong here. Then she said, "You look really pale, is it because you have your period?" I said, "yes, I guess so, I don't know."
Later on, eigth period. We get into talking because I asked her if I could ever read anything that she ever wrote when she was my age. Then we talked about her boyfriends and we talked and talked more and more. I had an absolutely wonderful time. She told me about her first love affair! I can't believe it. We talked about sex. It really was great. It was so wonderful when she told me all these things about herself and the men she's made love with. This is the truth and I'll never ever forget it. I told her about Morgan wanting to make love with me and I told her about Ray and how I thought I was going to lose my virginity at 16. And I also told her about more of my problems last year and how I regretted not having her sympathy at that time in my life. Well, we just had fun talking about ourselves and she mentioned that we have that thing in common about being too honest for our own good. And she also said that we both are too into ourselves and get wrapped up in our own problems. I agreed totally.
She told me that she's made love with many men before she married and she told me that she's never made love with anyone she didn't love. I can't wait to have sex. I'm never ever going to tell anyone about what we talked about and I really hope we can talk about it again. I'll pray. I'd like to tell her about Mike. I also told her about my psychiatrist. This talk about her did me so much good. I've really got to watch out about men. I'm so happy Mrs. Chasan and I talked about what we talked about. Oh thank you God for that moment.
I got into thinking about Ali, and I think I'm going to give him a call. I love him and miss him SO much. I love him! I love Ali. I do.
*****
I don't know why I want people to understand me. I think it may be an excuse for something because I want people to like me and be nice and I can't deal with people who aren't nice. I'll gorw out of this "understand me" phase.
Yesterday I got my period during Chemistry, which was very early for me. I didn't have any tampons and there was no one convenient to ask, so I went to Miss Dundon because Miss Lee was eating lunch and I couldn't ask her then! I came to the lunch room and went to the bathroom there to make sure. I was right. I saw Miss Dundon on the little field during lunch and she was talking with Mrs. Chasan. Oh well, there was nothing I could do anyway so I nonchalantly asked Miss Dundon if I could go over to the gym office for a tampon. I knew she would ask what for. I think Mrs. Chasan was surprised, maybe Mis Dundon also but I could tell better with Mrs. Chasan because I can see into her more. I said thank you to her and proceeded on my way when both said I needed the keys. Mis Dundon gave them to me. I felt stupid. I know Mrs. Chasan was looking at me the whole time. I ran to the office. I was wearing white pants again! Mr. Viall was the only one there. I said "hi" and went about with what I had to do. Mr. Viall came into the office and asked me what I was looking for. I told him I was getting a tampon. It was cute. His reaction was, "Well, I asked," and I said "Yeah, you did." I think he was embarassed.
When I went back to return the keys, I smiled, said thank you and Mrs. Chasan asked me if I was feeling better. I said, as I was running to lunch, "I feel fine." I was nervous.
Today after lunch, I went up to the English room like I always do and Mrs. Chasan was there. I wasn't expecting her to be there and she scared me. She even seemed a bit mad. She asked me what I was doing there and I told her I always come there. She told me I don't belong here. Then she said, "You look really pale, is it because you have your period?" I said, "yes, I guess so, I don't know."
Later on, eigth period. We get into talking because I asked her if I could ever read anything that she ever wrote when she was my age. Then we talked about her boyfriends and we talked and talked more and more. I had an absolutely wonderful time. She told me about her first love affair! I can't believe it. We talked about sex. It really was great. It was so wonderful when she told me all these things about herself and the men she's made love with. This is the truth and I'll never ever forget it. I told her about Morgan wanting to make love with me and I told her about Ray and how I thought I was going to lose my virginity at 16. And I also told her about more of my problems last year and how I regretted not having her sympathy at that time in my life. Well, we just had fun talking about ourselves and she mentioned that we have that thing in common about being too honest for our own good. And she also said that we both are too into ourselves and get wrapped up in our own problems. I agreed totally.
She told me that she's made love with many men before she married and she told me that she's never made love with anyone she didn't love. I can't wait to have sex. I'm never ever going to tell anyone about what we talked about and I really hope we can talk about it again. I'll pray. I'd like to tell her about Mike. I also told her about my psychiatrist. This talk about her did me so much good. I've really got to watch out about men. I'm so happy Mrs. Chasan and I talked about what we talked about. Oh thank you God for that moment.
I got into thinking about Ali, and I think I'm going to give him a call. I love him and miss him SO much. I love him! I love Ali. I do.
*****
I don't know why I want people to understand me. I think it may be an excuse for something because I want people to like me and be nice and I can't deal with people who aren't nice. I'll gorw out of this "understand me" phase.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 6:05 AM
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