October 25, 1981

I'm depressed. I think my first love and only love was and is Ali. We never even got to get together. I know we would have been right for each other because ne never would have made any advances on me and then if I wanted I could have made all the advances. It would have been fun. Then there was Scott, that Phillipino boy at the Roller-Skating rink. He was so sweet also. I think I like foreigners. Wow, I passed him up too. That makes 3 now? I forgot about what's his name in 7th grade and that boy in camp when I was 12, but that's it. I guess I'll have more chances. They were so innocent than at 12 and 13. I forgot about John when I was 7. And Jose like me at 7 also but he was weird. John was sweet, really sweet. If I went to Pingry, I know I'd have a boyfriend. But I'm so afraid of everyone else's reactions to me having a boyfriend at this age. When I'm an adult it would be so much different. Boys are really immature now. I need a mature person.

LATER ON

Morgan and I had it out. He told me he wanted to have sex with me or else he would not go out with me. He was so rotten. Ellen hated him.