November 7, 1981
Dear Notebook,
You'll never guess what happened yesterday between Mrs. Chasan and I. I'm so so happy. Tahnk you God! Remember I was telling you how I longed for an older female companion? And remember when I told you that I wanted Mrs. Chasna to fill that position for me? Well, I think I may have received my wish, and boy, I'm so grateful.
After school yesterday, I was with Mrs. Chasan when Heidi came into the room with our junior books. That is where Mrs. Chansan and I were, looking at Ellen's history essayd. Well, Heidi was packing her books and Mrs. Chasan said, "So you won't tell me who the mystery date is?" Heidi said, "That's right!...and Patricia you better not tell her either!" I said, "I won't Heidi, I promise," as she was walking down the hall. She stopped int Mr. Maher's room to get Chris (her date) and they proceeded down the stairs together. After Mrs. Chasan and I were finished talking to Willie, I proceeded down the hall, and Mrs. Chasan went into Mr. Ambrose's room for a sec. I was leaning over the balcony telling Heidi, my lips were sealed when Mrs. Chasan came by, saw the two of them, and asked me if Chris was her date. I told her I wasn't going to say anything. She said that she thought it was, and told me she was going down stairs to see Heidi and Chris leave. I followed her because her face was so lit up and she wanted to know so badly about Chris and Heidi. I became interested in her actions. She told me I shouldn't follw her because she did not want me to get into trouble. I said I wouldn't and that I was just going to get a drink of water. She went outside. I stayed inside and talked to Maria. When she came back, she told me she saw them, but wouldn't wave because she didn't want to tease or embarass them. I thought that was a very good idea because I would hate for anyone to do that to me.
So I was talking to Maria and I told Mrs. Chasan I would be up soon. She told me not to hurry, that she didn't need me, that she would be leaving soon, and that what I was doing was more important (which was talking to Maria).
Thursday, Maria and I talked for a nice long time. We have such good talks. We really understand each other, and I'm so glad we are on the ver same level. (Mrs. Chasan and I are on the same level I THINK also). Thursday, I was talking to Maria for so long that Mrs. Chasan left before us. I said goodbye from the reception room into the main hall, which is a littel bit difficult from where I was sitting. Anyway, she couldn't believe we were still around, and talking for so long. I think she wondered what we were talking about (I wonder if she is going to buddy up with Maria next week). I'm so sorry I wrote that but the day after Mrs. Chasan and I were talking about the opposite sex, she talked long with Ellen, and told her that she thought I really needed a friend now. Later on, Ellen told me this and I couldn't believe it. I felt kind of lonely because I couldn't or didn't want to believe that Mrs. Chasan would think that I didn't have a friend. I wish Ellen had siad "Well, she has a friend Mrs. Chasan," (meaning or referring to herself, Ellen). I felt the same way as when Barbara told my mother I was "sick." I got scared and a little insulted even though I had brought it on myself. Well anyway, yesterday I don't understand why Mrs. Chasan resignedly told me to talk to Maria. I know that was appropriate etiquette, so I guess that is why.
Maria and I talked more. Then when she had to leave, I went upstairs to Mrs. Chasan soon after. She was grading my "preppy" satire. I got an A/C, which is okay. I'm not a funny person.
I'm so glad Mrs. Chasan and I got into talking again. We talked about her marriage, future children, about Kevin (a little). I asked her a few questions about her high school fun. They went to dances in her day, and never did anything wrong. But in college, that was her time of "adventure." She said she smoked a great deal in college (cigarettes). I can't believe it! Her - smoke! Oh we talked about other things which I at the moment have forgotten because I was interrupted my mother mother, but I know I enjoyed every minute of our conversation, and God I hope we always will talk so personally.
When we decided it was time to go, we walked down the stairs and talked about her future children. I told her I wanted to hold her children in my arms for a long time. I can't wait! She said she'll leaver after us. She likes our class. I can't wait until she gets pregnant! I just can't wait!
As we were on the stairs outside, she saw that my ride wasn't there and asked when it was coming. I told her it would be just a short while as Pat and Kevin came together and it takes them longer. Mrs. Chasan told me that it was good to have someone to come home with, and then I think I said "Yeah, but usually in the car is all the time I have alone with my mother, and I wish he didn't have to disturb that since she is the only person in the whole world who loves me." Then Mrs. Chasan said, "Oh Tricia, I'll love you,...love is something that everyone can share or feel for each other, friends, parents, husbands, children, relatives, etc." (She said something like that). Then I think she said, "I love you...I care about you, as my student and friend...you know, I've seen you grow though the years and I sure did put up with a lot from you last year (she said with a smile). I thought "wow." It felt so good to hear her say that. That's just what I wanted to hear. And I said, "Well, I love you too," kind of awkwardly, but notebook you know I meant it. I did! I do love Mrs. Chasan. I am a lot like her in many ways. At times I can't figure her out, but I know I confuse her too (I wonder if she has any close friends. I'm sure she must. It doesn't seem she does, but I'm sure she must).
The she said, "Have a good weekend," and she leaned over and kissed my right cheeck, softely. I kissed her right cheek the same way. I was elated. I though, wow, we really are going to be close now. I couldn't believe it. She walked down the stairs, got into her car and started it and sat there for a while. I was really hoping she wasn't sorry for doing that. She certainly wan't because she drove by, stopped and said, "Tricia, come here, I want you to hear this song I was telling you about." I came to her window and she said come in. I sat in her car, listened and we talked a tad more. Then it was time to leave again, so I very smiley said, "have a good weekend" and she said something about my independence, and then, as I was standing outside the car, told her something about my independence because I didn't immediatley agree. Then she decided that I was physically independent, and not emotionally independent. I agreed.
Now I'm very happy. She told me it was hard being a friend with a student that you have in class. That if she reprimanded me, not to take it on a personal level. I understood totally. I said it was hard for a student also, and I told her I just wanted her to know that I realized it too. She said "Good."
Mrs. Chasan told me once that she was a physical person who liked to touch to get her feelings across. I understand. I'm that way too. That is what her kiss represented, and I understood it becuase I do think she likes me and probably does love me because I do love her. I really honestly, and truly do. You know that God. Mrs. Chasan kisses many of her students. That's okay. (I can't seem to write what I feel now). I'm not depressed. I'm rationalizing. It's okay though.
You'll never guess what happened yesterday between Mrs. Chasan and I. I'm so so happy. Tahnk you God! Remember I was telling you how I longed for an older female companion? And remember when I told you that I wanted Mrs. Chasna to fill that position for me? Well, I think I may have received my wish, and boy, I'm so grateful.
After school yesterday, I was with Mrs. Chasan when Heidi came into the room with our junior books. That is where Mrs. Chansan and I were, looking at Ellen's history essayd. Well, Heidi was packing her books and Mrs. Chasan said, "So you won't tell me who the mystery date is?" Heidi said, "That's right!...and Patricia you better not tell her either!" I said, "I won't Heidi, I promise," as she was walking down the hall. She stopped int Mr. Maher's room to get Chris (her date) and they proceeded down the stairs together. After Mrs. Chasan and I were finished talking to Willie, I proceeded down the hall, and Mrs. Chasan went into Mr. Ambrose's room for a sec. I was leaning over the balcony telling Heidi, my lips were sealed when Mrs. Chasan came by, saw the two of them, and asked me if Chris was her date. I told her I wasn't going to say anything. She said that she thought it was, and told me she was going down stairs to see Heidi and Chris leave. I followed her because her face was so lit up and she wanted to know so badly about Chris and Heidi. I became interested in her actions. She told me I shouldn't follw her because she did not want me to get into trouble. I said I wouldn't and that I was just going to get a drink of water. She went outside. I stayed inside and talked to Maria. When she came back, she told me she saw them, but wouldn't wave because she didn't want to tease or embarass them. I thought that was a very good idea because I would hate for anyone to do that to me.
So I was talking to Maria and I told Mrs. Chasan I would be up soon. She told me not to hurry, that she didn't need me, that she would be leaving soon, and that what I was doing was more important (which was talking to Maria).
Thursday, Maria and I talked for a nice long time. We have such good talks. We really understand each other, and I'm so glad we are on the ver same level. (Mrs. Chasan and I are on the same level I THINK also). Thursday, I was talking to Maria for so long that Mrs. Chasan left before us. I said goodbye from the reception room into the main hall, which is a littel bit difficult from where I was sitting. Anyway, she couldn't believe we were still around, and talking for so long. I think she wondered what we were talking about (I wonder if she is going to buddy up with Maria next week). I'm so sorry I wrote that but the day after Mrs. Chasan and I were talking about the opposite sex, she talked long with Ellen, and told her that she thought I really needed a friend now. Later on, Ellen told me this and I couldn't believe it. I felt kind of lonely because I couldn't or didn't want to believe that Mrs. Chasan would think that I didn't have a friend. I wish Ellen had siad "Well, she has a friend Mrs. Chasan," (meaning or referring to herself, Ellen). I felt the same way as when Barbara told my mother I was "sick." I got scared and a little insulted even though I had brought it on myself. Well anyway, yesterday I don't understand why Mrs. Chasan resignedly told me to talk to Maria. I know that was appropriate etiquette, so I guess that is why.
Maria and I talked more. Then when she had to leave, I went upstairs to Mrs. Chasan soon after. She was grading my "preppy" satire. I got an A/C, which is okay. I'm not a funny person.
I'm so glad Mrs. Chasan and I got into talking again. We talked about her marriage, future children, about Kevin (a little). I asked her a few questions about her high school fun. They went to dances in her day, and never did anything wrong. But in college, that was her time of "adventure." She said she smoked a great deal in college (cigarettes). I can't believe it! Her - smoke! Oh we talked about other things which I at the moment have forgotten because I was interrupted my mother mother, but I know I enjoyed every minute of our conversation, and God I hope we always will talk so personally.
When we decided it was time to go, we walked down the stairs and talked about her future children. I told her I wanted to hold her children in my arms for a long time. I can't wait! She said she'll leaver after us. She likes our class. I can't wait until she gets pregnant! I just can't wait!
As we were on the stairs outside, she saw that my ride wasn't there and asked when it was coming. I told her it would be just a short while as Pat and Kevin came together and it takes them longer. Mrs. Chasan told me that it was good to have someone to come home with, and then I think I said "Yeah, but usually in the car is all the time I have alone with my mother, and I wish he didn't have to disturb that since she is the only person in the whole world who loves me." Then Mrs. Chasan said, "Oh Tricia, I'll love you,...love is something that everyone can share or feel for each other, friends, parents, husbands, children, relatives, etc." (She said something like that). Then I think she said, "I love you...I care about you, as my student and friend...you know, I've seen you grow though the years and I sure did put up with a lot from you last year (she said with a smile). I thought "wow." It felt so good to hear her say that. That's just what I wanted to hear. And I said, "Well, I love you too," kind of awkwardly, but notebook you know I meant it. I did! I do love Mrs. Chasan. I am a lot like her in many ways. At times I can't figure her out, but I know I confuse her too (I wonder if she has any close friends. I'm sure she must. It doesn't seem she does, but I'm sure she must).
The she said, "Have a good weekend," and she leaned over and kissed my right cheeck, softely. I kissed her right cheek the same way. I was elated. I though, wow, we really are going to be close now. I couldn't believe it. She walked down the stairs, got into her car and started it and sat there for a while. I was really hoping she wasn't sorry for doing that. She certainly wan't because she drove by, stopped and said, "Tricia, come here, I want you to hear this song I was telling you about." I came to her window and she said come in. I sat in her car, listened and we talked a tad more. Then it was time to leave again, so I very smiley said, "have a good weekend" and she said something about my independence, and then, as I was standing outside the car, told her something about my independence because I didn't immediatley agree. Then she decided that I was physically independent, and not emotionally independent. I agreed.
Now I'm very happy. She told me it was hard being a friend with a student that you have in class. That if she reprimanded me, not to take it on a personal level. I understood totally. I said it was hard for a student also, and I told her I just wanted her to know that I realized it too. She said "Good."
Mrs. Chasan told me once that she was a physical person who liked to touch to get her feelings across. I understand. I'm that way too. That is what her kiss represented, and I understood it becuase I do think she likes me and probably does love me because I do love her. I really honestly, and truly do. You know that God. Mrs. Chasan kisses many of her students. That's okay. (I can't seem to write what I feel now). I'm not depressed. I'm rationalizing. It's okay though.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 7:13 AM
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