November 25, 1981
Oh, I hope I can get 20 pages written fast! I have so much bothering me about this Florida vacation. Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong for me. Pat and Kevin were on my back in the care on the way here. And Susan has this thing now with me being her young sister, and her, my older one, and she is trying to get close to me and I can't stand it! I dopn't know where she got the idea from, except that we're only paying for two adults, instead of three, in the hotel room. I felt really miserable in the car and I didn't think I was going to maike it for too long and I didn't. Monday when we got to the first hotel, we had a problem with checking in, then when we finally got into our room, I discovered that I had my period, and early too dammit! Then the toilet wouldn't flush of all things! Shit! Well, I know that I'd have to figure out my own little system of privacy and I did, but it's hard because there is not sink. It's outside the bathroom so that wouldn't help me if I were to say, bring my whole toiletry bag in the bathroom and say I was brushing me teeth. But anyway, I've been lucky. I don't bleed that much which I don't understand because I'm so fat, but one thing is that I get my period about every 3 weeks, instead of 5, like I used to. Well, I'm thankful for small favors, God, Mother Nautre. God forbid the three of them should find out that I happen to have my period! God forbid! Because they'll attribute that to my moodiness, which is not the case anyway. But I've noticed in the past 2 years or so that I'm more emotional before my period then I am at any other time. Some say it's menstrual tension, and who knows? I'm just stating a coincidence. Anyway, I didn't mean to spend so much time on the topic.
That night we had dinner, which was not enjoyable for me, and then we went for ice cream at Lake Buena Vista (The Good Life) Village. That was nice. There are stores there and I see a cat Christmas ornament that I would like to get for Miss Prudon, the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I also saw a little stained glass box with a unicorn on the top that I'd love to buy for Chris and put pot in it. Then I saw this rug that said Chris Cowboy on it. That would be funny too.
Yesterday we went to Disney World and it was okay. I only got to Space Mountain once. It was Kevin's first time there so that was a pain, and then I had another fight with my mother. We left the park at the very last minute and took the monorail to Polynesian Village for some delicious Polynesian drinks. I wanted to do that so I enjoyed it. (God my handwriting is atrocious!) We took the bus to the Dutch Inn, to get our car to get to our second hotel, the Royal Plaza, whichy I like much better. We ate a very late dinner in the coffee shop until 11:00 P.M. They had good chocoalte cake. When we got back to the room, Susan started crying and yelling at me "I'm sick and tired of being insulted and ignored and all I want to do is go to bed dammit!" Oh, borhter. My mother made me apologize but I think that she was overreacting. Her husband got her down before on the phone. They're getting a divorce you know. Sometimes I say things and they just don't come out right. I hate that! Then people misunderstand me and everything!
Today I'm separated from them. It's absolutely gorgeious out here in Flordia by the pool surrounded with palm trees and sun in a resort hotel! Can't really beat it can you? It really is nice! It really is! I got started late with my homework and needless to say, I couldn't concentrate! I had lunch all by myself, and a banana daiquiri! I took a book with me to the coffee shop. I didn't get much reading in. I played $2.00 worth of Pacman, my first time! I can't believe myself and I've met no one! That's okay though. I'm fat and I'm with my mother so forget it. I've been longing to write for days and finally I am. Tomorrow is our last day, thank God! But I'll only see Ramesh and Sheila for a few hours. That's very upsetting! Oh I wish I had someone here with me. I hate to go on vacations with nobody my age! I'm miserable and everybody is on my back! I hate adults. And I can't stand Susan closing in on me with wanting me to do things with her. I can't take it! It's so warm here! It's beautiful. Mrs. Chasan is in Tampa now. I wish she was staying here. Sometimes I wouldn't say that, but I would now. I'll take anybody, God. How come I'm alone again? I wouldn't say that all the time but I would now. I can't wait to get home. I'm gonna have to get a lot of homework done in the car though. I can't wait to see Ramesh and Sheila and I hope we can do what we want or else I'll get very upset if I'm in the state of mind I'm in now. I was going to write Ellen a letter to tell her how miserable I was just to let everything out, but I never did. I was feeling better. I'm not going to write postcards because I was too upset to do so. I'm reading a book by Gertrude Stein which I'm going to have to put away because it's a fright too difficult at points. I'll aske Mrs. Colford or Miss Kocher, Mr. Ambrose or Mr. Viall if I could possibly understand her. It's amazing how many problems I have but so does everyone else. What's the matter with me? If only ther was someone I knew to talk to now. It would be so nice and a lonvely thing to have someon walk over to me now. I'd be so happy. Oh things with me aren't the pits now though I am alone and lonely. There is nothing much I can do to talk, rather meet someone. I sit here, I write, I read, I'm alone. There are middle-aged persons and no one over 13. The set up here, really, is very lovely. Everything is new and in brown plastic with astroturf, but I think everything would look prettier in green and yellow. I didn't get any sun today. Oh well! I washed my hair but still have dandruff. I can't wait to be in school again. Mrs. Chasan met a woman who says if you want to be a good writer, write, write, write anything, as much as possible. I'll have to ask Mrs. Chasan what we should write though. By now, I'm forcing myself he4re, and if I want to get any use out of this and gain better ability at writing, I suppose I'll have to write properly, with punctuation, and I'll have to try and THYINK before IU write, so as to convey better and more meaning in my words. Should I write a little essay on something? I played more Pacman. I just keep speindg my money! I'm going to have to starve myself before Christmas. If I ever realized exactly how fat I am, I think I'd die. I can't believe I'm sitting her and wirting. On the way here I though about being a write. I think I might like to be one, but not a lazy one. I would do it on the side and work with chidlren as my career. I think that's best. But I really want to know about 20 languages. I think I can do it. I'll travel a lot to use them. I love languages and children and reading and writing. One day I must assimilate those loves of mine. I'd also like to learn to write poetry. I can't you know, although I remember a poem I wrote in first grade. I wonder if it is original. My mother liked it. I don't have the paper though. It was:
Flowers and showers
Puppies and guppies
Everything is special
But not like me
Amazing as I put my name underneath how that was me when I was so much less of what I am now. I changed atmospheres. Now I'm sitting on the first floor of the hotel. I have such a headache! Oh, I wish someone was here with me. I'm so lonely. Yesterday in the park, a little blonde girl came to me and asked me if I wanted to come to her house and play because she has lots of toys. She was so beautiful. I wish Natasha was here. I think I've forgotten what she looks like.
That night we had dinner, which was not enjoyable for me, and then we went for ice cream at Lake Buena Vista (The Good Life) Village. That was nice. There are stores there and I see a cat Christmas ornament that I would like to get for Miss Prudon, the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I also saw a little stained glass box with a unicorn on the top that I'd love to buy for Chris and put pot in it. Then I saw this rug that said Chris Cowboy on it. That would be funny too.
Yesterday we went to Disney World and it was okay. I only got to Space Mountain once. It was Kevin's first time there so that was a pain, and then I had another fight with my mother. We left the park at the very last minute and took the monorail to Polynesian Village for some delicious Polynesian drinks. I wanted to do that so I enjoyed it. (God my handwriting is atrocious!) We took the bus to the Dutch Inn, to get our car to get to our second hotel, the Royal Plaza, whichy I like much better. We ate a very late dinner in the coffee shop until 11:00 P.M. They had good chocoalte cake. When we got back to the room, Susan started crying and yelling at me "I'm sick and tired of being insulted and ignored and all I want to do is go to bed dammit!" Oh, borhter. My mother made me apologize but I think that she was overreacting. Her husband got her down before on the phone. They're getting a divorce you know. Sometimes I say things and they just don't come out right. I hate that! Then people misunderstand me and everything!
Today I'm separated from them. It's absolutely gorgeious out here in Flordia by the pool surrounded with palm trees and sun in a resort hotel! Can't really beat it can you? It really is nice! It really is! I got started late with my homework and needless to say, I couldn't concentrate! I had lunch all by myself, and a banana daiquiri! I took a book with me to the coffee shop. I didn't get much reading in. I played $2.00 worth of Pacman, my first time! I can't believe myself and I've met no one! That's okay though. I'm fat and I'm with my mother so forget it. I've been longing to write for days and finally I am. Tomorrow is our last day, thank God! But I'll only see Ramesh and Sheila for a few hours. That's very upsetting! Oh I wish I had someone here with me. I hate to go on vacations with nobody my age! I'm miserable and everybody is on my back! I hate adults. And I can't stand Susan closing in on me with wanting me to do things with her. I can't take it! It's so warm here! It's beautiful. Mrs. Chasan is in Tampa now. I wish she was staying here. Sometimes I wouldn't say that, but I would now. I'll take anybody, God. How come I'm alone again? I wouldn't say that all the time but I would now. I can't wait to get home. I'm gonna have to get a lot of homework done in the car though. I can't wait to see Ramesh and Sheila and I hope we can do what we want or else I'll get very upset if I'm in the state of mind I'm in now. I was going to write Ellen a letter to tell her how miserable I was just to let everything out, but I never did. I was feeling better. I'm not going to write postcards because I was too upset to do so. I'm reading a book by Gertrude Stein which I'm going to have to put away because it's a fright too difficult at points. I'll aske Mrs. Colford or Miss Kocher, Mr. Ambrose or Mr. Viall if I could possibly understand her. It's amazing how many problems I have but so does everyone else. What's the matter with me? If only ther was someone I knew to talk to now. It would be so nice and a lonvely thing to have someon walk over to me now. I'd be so happy. Oh things with me aren't the pits now though I am alone and lonely. There is nothing much I can do to talk, rather meet someone. I sit here, I write, I read, I'm alone. There are middle-aged persons and no one over 13. The set up here, really, is very lovely. Everything is new and in brown plastic with astroturf, but I think everything would look prettier in green and yellow. I didn't get any sun today. Oh well! I washed my hair but still have dandruff. I can't wait to be in school again. Mrs. Chasan met a woman who says if you want to be a good writer, write, write, write anything, as much as possible. I'll have to ask Mrs. Chasan what we should write though. By now, I'm forcing myself he4re, and if I want to get any use out of this and gain better ability at writing, I suppose I'll have to write properly, with punctuation, and I'll have to try and THYINK before IU write, so as to convey better and more meaning in my words. Should I write a little essay on something? I played more Pacman. I just keep speindg my money! I'm going to have to starve myself before Christmas. If I ever realized exactly how fat I am, I think I'd die. I can't believe I'm sitting her and wirting. On the way here I though about being a write. I think I might like to be one, but not a lazy one. I would do it on the side and work with chidlren as my career. I think that's best. But I really want to know about 20 languages. I think I can do it. I'll travel a lot to use them. I love languages and children and reading and writing. One day I must assimilate those loves of mine. I'd also like to learn to write poetry. I can't you know, although I remember a poem I wrote in first grade. I wonder if it is original. My mother liked it. I don't have the paper though. It was:
Flowers and showers
Puppies and guppies
Everything is special
But not like me
Amazing as I put my name underneath how that was me when I was so much less of what I am now. I changed atmospheres. Now I'm sitting on the first floor of the hotel. I have such a headache! Oh, I wish someone was here with me. I'm so lonely. Yesterday in the park, a little blonde girl came to me and asked me if I wanted to come to her house and play because she has lots of toys. She was so beautiful. I wish Natasha was here. I think I've forgotten what she looks like.
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 10:29 AM
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