May 12, 1981

This will be short. I went to the doctor tonight and discussed doubling our time a week. Hope we can. I've got to do my rough copy now.

IMPORTANT 10:05 P.M.

THOUGHT: Even though I'm allowed to stay at Ellen's house whenever I want, and I don't have to stay there for any particular reason now, I should never ask to stay at her house unless I'm going to so something with her. I mean exactly, I should never say, "can I stay at your house this weekend?" But, it we have plans, it's okay to say, "then I'll sleep over afterwards." I don't think she'd mind being that we have plans together. I shouldn't abuse any other times if we don't have plans, then, that will give her freedom, and, well, (I'll be bored but I should learn to do other things beside do nothing at Ellen's house, as much as I like it there, rather love it there, I don't get a chance to grow). I've never realized this before. I wonder what damage I've done, that I've never realized. I hope I haven't hurt Ellen in any way. She, more than Barbara, would have been greatly affected. But I wouldn't know being I'm just learning this now.