April 29, 1981
History -
I've been meaning to write but haven't. What a shame I am in history class and choose to do my writing here. I'm terribly afraid there is something wrong with Mrs. Hoffman. She fell at 9:00 Monday morning and was on the floor all day. She fell again that night. Poor Barbara and Ellen aren't getting any sleep. Ellen said Mrs. Hoffman isn't coherent. I'm not a doctor but I think Mrs. Hoffman is having a series of strokes. I'm so worried for her. She should be going to a doctor. She's really not well, but could get better. I'm upset but I'm going to help everybody. Oh God, make everything turn out well. Please God. God give me energy! I'm praying! I remember on Thursday, December 7, 1978, my grandfather dropped Ellen off at her house and we proceeded to go shopping at Lord & Taylor to get my mom some slippers. He went off the road on Conant, but I didn't know what was wrong. I had him drive me back to Barbara's. I wanted to go back there. I should have taken care of my grandfather. The next day, Friday, 12-8-78, the day of our opera, I called and called. No answer. He never came home that night. My mom and I thought that he was maybe at a Christmas party. Well, he was in the hospital. We never knew til the next day when my mom got the bright idea of seeing if he was admitted. Well, he was, my mom spoke to his doctor. He had a stroke but would probably be home for Christmas. I cried so hard, because I was so relieved that he was okay. Ironically, he died on Christmas day. I never knew how much I loved my grandfather. I cried when Mrs. Hoffman came back to Barbara's house Monday night. She looked like death. She scared us.
(Author's note: My mom and I had been wondering, "where is he? where is he?" and when she finally called me from her bedroom to say, "I found your grandfather, he's in the hospital," I was standing by my closet and I just fell into my shirts and cried with relief. When we got to the hospital and I saw him laying in the bed, I broke into sobs. He said, "Oh baby, don't cry," but I was just so relieved. He scared us so.
My grandfather adored me, but I never knew this. He would would come knocking on our door every morning to take me to breakfast. Some days I got up to go with him. Some days I didn't. Some days I surprised him by not answering the door and after I knew he had walked away, I would get up and get dressed really fast and run out to meet him. He was so happy!
In the corner coffee shop where we went, there was all kinds of junk. Magazines, books, crayons, coloring books, cards, plastic toys, candy, etc. I was allowed to have whatever I wanted. It pleased my grandfather to do these things for me. He spoiled me. When I would bring a bunch of junk home, my mother would sometimes yell at me, telling me that my grandfather really can't afford these things and that I shouldn't let him buy them for me. I didn't understand this of course. My grandfather's favorite place in the whole wide world was the Livingston Mall. He took me there specifically to buy me things. He even bought my friends things. So of course I didn't understand, but yes, of course my grandfather was poor. He had a 6th grade education and took home $18.00 a week in the 1940's when he was raising my mother. He shovelled coal on the train and later worked as chief morgue attendant at Beth Israel Hospital in Newark, NJ. My mother said that that was his favorite job of all, that he loved being around dead bodies. We never knew why, but I'm sure it must have fascinated him, as dead bodies fascinate me too.
I didn't realize it then, but these were the actions of a man who adored his granddaughter. He never hugged me or kissed me once when I was a kid, and being that hugs and kisses meant love to me, I had no idea that he loved me. The night we buried him my mother and I were walking in the parking lot and I asked her if my grandfather loved me. I suppose because of the no hugs and kisses thing, I wasn't sure. She told me yes, he loved me. At his funeral two men who delivered candy to the vending machines at the hospital, came up to me and told me that my grandfather talked about me all the time. I was trying so hard not to cry at my grandfather's funeral, but these men broke me down. I didn't understand why if my grandfather loved me so much, he never hugged or kissed me. I still do not know. But as an adult I now see and remember that this man adored me and I also know that no other person on this planet has ever adored me the way that my grandfather did. Not even my own mother. I was so mean to him too. He always wanted to take me to Great Adventure and I never wanted to go with him. It was such a long drive and I got to the age where I was bored if I wasn't with my friends. One of the last phone conversations I had with him, I yelled at him. I was such a nasty kid sometimes. But then I called him up to apologize to him. One month later, he was dead. I was so sorry. I realize now that I picked up a lot of my mother's bad qualities, but being that my grandfather was her dad, I just have no idea where she got them from).
I've been meaning to write but haven't. What a shame I am in history class and choose to do my writing here. I'm terribly afraid there is something wrong with Mrs. Hoffman. She fell at 9:00 Monday morning and was on the floor all day. She fell again that night. Poor Barbara and Ellen aren't getting any sleep. Ellen said Mrs. Hoffman isn't coherent. I'm not a doctor but I think Mrs. Hoffman is having a series of strokes. I'm so worried for her. She should be going to a doctor. She's really not well, but could get better. I'm upset but I'm going to help everybody. Oh God, make everything turn out well. Please God. God give me energy! I'm praying! I remember on Thursday, December 7, 1978, my grandfather dropped Ellen off at her house and we proceeded to go shopping at Lord & Taylor to get my mom some slippers. He went off the road on Conant, but I didn't know what was wrong. I had him drive me back to Barbara's. I wanted to go back there. I should have taken care of my grandfather. The next day, Friday, 12-8-78, the day of our opera, I called and called. No answer. He never came home that night. My mom and I thought that he was maybe at a Christmas party. Well, he was in the hospital. We never knew til the next day when my mom got the bright idea of seeing if he was admitted. Well, he was, my mom spoke to his doctor. He had a stroke but would probably be home for Christmas. I cried so hard, because I was so relieved that he was okay. Ironically, he died on Christmas day. I never knew how much I loved my grandfather. I cried when Mrs. Hoffman came back to Barbara's house Monday night. She looked like death. She scared us.(Author's note: My mom and I had been wondering, "where is he? where is he?" and when she finally called me from her bedroom to say, "I found your grandfather, he's in the hospital," I was standing by my closet and I just fell into my shirts and cried with relief. When we got to the hospital and I saw him laying in the bed, I broke into sobs. He said, "Oh baby, don't cry," but I was just so relieved. He scared us so.
My grandfather adored me, but I never knew this. He would would come knocking on our door every morning to take me to breakfast. Some days I got up to go with him. Some days I didn't. Some days I surprised him by not answering the door and after I knew he had walked away, I would get up and get dressed really fast and run out to meet him. He was so happy!
In the corner coffee shop where we went, there was all kinds of junk. Magazines, books, crayons, coloring books, cards, plastic toys, candy, etc. I was allowed to have whatever I wanted. It pleased my grandfather to do these things for me. He spoiled me. When I would bring a bunch of junk home, my mother would sometimes yell at me, telling me that my grandfather really can't afford these things and that I shouldn't let him buy them for me. I didn't understand this of course. My grandfather's favorite place in the whole wide world was the Livingston Mall. He took me there specifically to buy me things. He even bought my friends things. So of course I didn't understand, but yes, of course my grandfather was poor. He had a 6th grade education and took home $18.00 a week in the 1940's when he was raising my mother. He shovelled coal on the train and later worked as chief morgue attendant at Beth Israel Hospital in Newark, NJ. My mother said that that was his favorite job of all, that he loved being around dead bodies. We never knew why, but I'm sure it must have fascinated him, as dead bodies fascinate me too.
I didn't realize it then, but these were the actions of a man who adored his granddaughter. He never hugged me or kissed me once when I was a kid, and being that hugs and kisses meant love to me, I had no idea that he loved me. The night we buried him my mother and I were walking in the parking lot and I asked her if my grandfather loved me. I suppose because of the no hugs and kisses thing, I wasn't sure. She told me yes, he loved me. At his funeral two men who delivered candy to the vending machines at the hospital, came up to me and told me that my grandfather talked about me all the time. I was trying so hard not to cry at my grandfather's funeral, but these men broke me down. I didn't understand why if my grandfather loved me so much, he never hugged or kissed me. I still do not know. But as an adult I now see and remember that this man adored me and I also know that no other person on this planet has ever adored me the way that my grandfather did. Not even my own mother. I was so mean to him too. He always wanted to take me to Great Adventure and I never wanted to go with him. It was such a long drive and I got to the age where I was bored if I wasn't with my friends. One of the last phone conversations I had with him, I yelled at him. I was such a nasty kid sometimes. But then I called him up to apologize to him. One month later, he was dead. I was so sorry. I realize now that I picked up a lot of my mother's bad qualities, but being that my grandfather was her dad, I just have no idea where she got them from).
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 11:00 PM
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