April 22, 1981

A year ago today we had our very special surprise party for Mrs. Blasier. We gave her diamond earrings. It was wonderful. We were looking forward to it since January. It was my idea, and I planned it, of course that doesn't matter at all, and everyone was so very cooperative. I remember the irony of the day before. It was Earth Day and a chemical plant blew up in Elizabeth and our school was closed. Judy called me in the morning. It was a lovely day and I was doing history homework at 6:00 a.m.

(Author's note: I do not remember the chemical plant situation, nor do I remember who Judy was, but I think she might have been my bus driver. Mrs. Blasier was everyone's favorite teacher and we all adored her. So when she told us she was getting a divorce and moving back to Pittsburg, we were all pretty devastated. I have wonderful memories of her, but one is quite significant. I must have been going through a tough time with Mike, my mother's boyfriend, having moved back into the house. (This man had sexually abused me for years). Mrs. Blasier was the only teacher I had, ever, who asked to speak to me privately and to ask me what was wrong. I said, "nothing" and I was emphatic about it. I do not know to this day what she could have observed in me that lead her to ask me what was wrong, but in hindsight, I sooooooooo appreciate that she cared and showed concern for me. It was a lost opportunity, but at 15, there was no way that I could have said anything. I know I did not have the skills at 15 to articulate what was going wrong in my life, even if I had not disclosed to her the sexual abuse. Even the other stuff going on I was not able to articulate at 15. I do so wish I could speak to her now just to ask her what she observed in me. It just might help me bring back memories of the time. But the only thing that I do remember is her attention and her kindness. Thank you Mrs. Blasier!

Oh, and the following year after she was gone, I wrote her a lot of letters, but she couldn't really respond to all of my letters. (I understand, being an adult, that adults are much busier than children are). But in writing to her, I was looking for a big sister, a friend, and someone to confide in. After a while I gave up of course because it seemed she couldn't be those things for me because she simply wasn't writing back as often as I needed her to be. I do understand and I have never been angry at her. I did hear from Mrs. Chasan though that Mrs. Blasier said to her that I write her too much. That hurt my feelings so I stopped writing altogether. Who knows if it was even true. As you will see later, Mrs. Chasan wasn't the best person in my life even though I had a big crush on her and later looked to her to be my big sister).