April 16, 1982
I should be in school now but I'm not. I had to go home before I got so nervious that they would have sent me home. Well, today was awful. I went to school and it was okay. Come to think of it, I didn't even want to come, but I just couldn't take the day off. Besides, IU a had a math test (Which I'm missting)
Soemthing awful happened in Chemistry todya. A terrible accident, a tragic accident that was all my fault. I cam respionsible - fully and totally reapoinsible. I sipilled HCl (hydorchloric acid) all over my sicne teacher, Miss Kocher. OH GOD! I t was so frightening! She choked and gasped and cried and was on the floor. I though she was throwing up. I should have ran and got someone, but that was take care of by Camile and Ellen (I think).
Come to think of it - I was an immediate basket case - I would have screamed and cried, and everyond would have heared me. This is not time for phoilosophicze but I don't hate myself - yesI feel a tremendous amount of guilt, but it is not hate that I feel for myself - it's something else and I don'
t know what. I feel guilt. It was no one
s fault. Poor Miss Kocher was a victim of my stupidity. On top of that, I am her worst student. Boy I laugh a bit to think that her and Mrs. Ayres are best friends. Mrs. Ayres taught me math my freshmaen and sophomore years at Vail-Dean. She quit her job after that. She was going to have me expelled forom her class. I never hated her - she just couldnt' tolerate my inability to tolerate her subject. I was a bad student. I hope one day the two of them laugh about ,e. Math and Science at Vail-Deane in high schoo;. Bot of my teachers were best friends, both had me and I did poorly in both theri classes.
Oh - if I could only do what Chris did Bring my Chemistry greade up from a D- to and A. That would almost make everything better.
We got report cards today. Since I was leaving early, I wanted to get mine. I looked for Mrs. Chasan during luich and finally found her in the office going through some files/
I said calmly but across the office room, "Mrs. Chasan, may I please have my report card?"
She looked up and said, "ARe you going home now?"
I ansered "yes" Then I walked into the main foyer area and waited for her to come out./ The she grabbed my hadn and started runnin ups the stairs. I took my hand back but also quickly went up the stiars. No words ere passed. On the seodond floor she stopped to tak to Mr. Kriebel and I continued up the stairs. I didn't want anyone to see me. In the English room, I looked out thewindow and waited. Simone came in and asked me how I was. I replied that I was fine. Then Mrs. C. came into the roiom and said, "Simone where do you belong?" in a hurried tone.
She left and I went to Mrs. Cahasan's desk. She asked me "Why are you leaving? Is it because of what happened?" I answered yes, She askjed me if I wanted to talk about it. I said no. She wasa disappointed. She asked why. I gave no answer. As she was hading me my report card, she said "I love you." And I said, "I love you too."
Anyway, it was nice to kow. She said she cared and closed the door tothe room. Shen she kissed m,e and hugged me hard. It felt really good of course because I really like Mrs. C. and want her to be my friend. But she worries aboutme and I don't like that. I don'e think. I don't know.
*****
Later, in the other book...
I don't know how much time I'm going to have. You really got stuck with a sickie - that's me. I have got problems but I read today that God doesn't give us more than we can endure and I truly want to believe that. Therefore, my problems are simply just no big deal. I spoke to Mrs. Chasan this afternoon (a person you'll be learning about) and she tahnked me for saying that to her. She told me it was a very nice thing. So I have the article I read it from and I'm giving it to her. I happen to agree with it.
Listen, I'm really tired. I LOVE YOU! I'll be back tomorrow.
YOUR'RE SO SPECIAL- I CNA JUST FEEL IT!
Soemthing awful happened in Chemistry todya. A terrible accident, a tragic accident that was all my fault. I cam respionsible - fully and totally reapoinsible. I sipilled HCl (hydorchloric acid) all over my sicne teacher, Miss Kocher. OH GOD! I t was so frightening! She choked and gasped and cried and was on the floor. I though she was throwing up. I should have ran and got someone, but that was take care of by Camile and Ellen (I think).
Come to think of it - I was an immediate basket case - I would have screamed and cried, and everyond would have heared me. This is not time for phoilosophicze but I don't hate myself - yesI feel a tremendous amount of guilt, but it is not hate that I feel for myself - it's something else and I don'
t know what. I feel guilt. It was no one
s fault. Poor Miss Kocher was a victim of my stupidity. On top of that, I am her worst student. Boy I laugh a bit to think that her and Mrs. Ayres are best friends. Mrs. Ayres taught me math my freshmaen and sophomore years at Vail-Dean. She quit her job after that. She was going to have me expelled forom her class. I never hated her - she just couldnt' tolerate my inability to tolerate her subject. I was a bad student. I hope one day the two of them laugh about ,e. Math and Science at Vail-Deane in high schoo;. Bot of my teachers were best friends, both had me and I did poorly in both theri classes.
Oh - if I could only do what Chris did Bring my Chemistry greade up from a D- to and A. That would almost make everything better.
We got report cards today. Since I was leaving early, I wanted to get mine. I looked for Mrs. Chasan during luich and finally found her in the office going through some files/
I said calmly but across the office room, "Mrs. Chasan, may I please have my report card?"
She looked up and said, "ARe you going home now?"
I ansered "yes" Then I walked into the main foyer area and waited for her to come out./ The she grabbed my hadn and started runnin ups the stairs. I took my hand back but also quickly went up the stiars. No words ere passed. On the seodond floor she stopped to tak to Mr. Kriebel and I continued up the stairs. I didn't want anyone to see me. In the English room, I looked out thewindow and waited. Simone came in and asked me how I was. I replied that I was fine. Then Mrs. C. came into the roiom and said, "Simone where do you belong?" in a hurried tone.
She left and I went to Mrs. Cahasan's desk. She asked me "Why are you leaving? Is it because of what happened?" I answered yes, She askjed me if I wanted to talk about it. I said no. She wasa disappointed. She asked why. I gave no answer. As she was hading me my report card, she said "I love you." And I said, "I love you too."
Anyway, it was nice to kow. She said she cared and closed the door tothe room. Shen she kissed m,e and hugged me hard. It felt really good of course because I really like Mrs. C. and want her to be my friend. But she worries aboutme and I don't like that. I don'e think. I don't know.
*****
Later, in the other book...
I don't know how much time I'm going to have. You really got stuck with a sickie - that's me. I have got problems but I read today that God doesn't give us more than we can endure and I truly want to believe that. Therefore, my problems are simply just no big deal. I spoke to Mrs. Chasan this afternoon (a person you'll be learning about) and she tahnked me for saying that to her. She told me it was a very nice thing. So I have the article I read it from and I'm giving it to her. I happen to agree with it.
Listen, I'm really tired. I LOVE YOU! I'll be back tomorrow.
YOUR'RE SO SPECIAL- I CNA JUST FEEL IT!
posted by Grand Inquisitor at 7:30 AM
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